Tremors#
It probably started in the second half of last year; when I open my hands, my fingers tremble inexplicably, completely out of muscle control. A friend suggested I check my thyroid, and coupled with my health report showing thyroid nodules, I’ve recently felt more emotionally unstable than before, which worries me. So this weekend, I went to the hospital again.
Fortunately, my thyroid is normal, but this has added more confusion—I'm even less clear about the reasons behind my emotional instability, irritability, and hand tremors.
In medicine, there are three directions regarding the causes of hand tremors: one is hyperthyroidism caused by thyroid factors; another is Parkinson's disease; and the third is essential tremor.
Since thyroid factors have been ruled out, I estimate that Parkinson's disease is also unlikely. My hand tremors are not severe enough to be uncontrollable, and this disease is quite rare in young people. The only possibility left is essential tremor, which is related to the nervous system. More directly, it is a manifestation of depression somatization.
I am reluctant to believe that I could have depression; I have always felt that this condition is quite distant from me. I consider myself optimistic, sunny, and in a good mindset most of the time, but could someone like me also be plagued by depression? I even wonder if it's because I'm not strong enough that I am overwhelmed by these inexplicable emotions.
With psychological issues unresolved, physical problems follow closely behind.
Quadruple Therapy#
After having my last wisdom tooth extracted, I started taking medication to treat Helicobacter pylori, using a quadruple therapy that requires taking four types of medication daily: two gastrointestinal medications and two antibiotics, for fourteen days. I had heard from others that the side effects are significant. According to that person, the entire treatment feels like going through tribulations, extremely torturous. On the first day of taking the medication, I already felt considerable effects—my stomach had an indescribable discomfort all morning, my intestines felt like they were cramping, accompanied by mild nausea.
The power of quadruple therapy is substantial because its treatment process is similar to chemotherapy, indiscriminately killing all bacteria in the intestines, including probiotics. Therefore, many people cannot persist, and the doctor also advised me to stick with it and not stop midway, or it would be ineffective. I do hope I can endure; alas, there are just too many things in life that require persistence.
Standing Firm at Thirty#
This year I am 26 years old, and I will soon celebrate my 27th birthday. The ominous number—30—is approaching quickly. Confucius said that one should stand firm at thirty. As I get closer to this age, I can't help but doubt whether I can truly stand firm.
There are too many things that need clarity. Life is like a fog, and I have not yet found my direction, yet I am soon to take on the responsibilities of starting a family and a career. When I look at my body, I find it is all worn out; there’s discomfort here and problems there. During this period, I have been running to the hospital every weekend, accumulating test results, yet I still have not found all the answers. The body is the temple of the soul, carrying all of a person's joys and sorrows. This body has accompanied me for nearly 30 years without complaint, but now it is starting to show signs of fatigue.
At thirty, I think the first thing a person should do is face their own body, repair this temple, so that they can stand firm in the fog of life and set off anew.